What significance does the Bible give to disciplining
children?
What does the Bible have to say about why disciplining
children is important?
According to the Bible, what are the consequences of
NOT disciplining children?
What biblical examples can you find for what happens
when children are not disciplined?
Let me start out by saying that this project is very personal
to me. The questions above were provided
by my spiritual father on earth who challenged me to consult my heavenly Father
on matters of parenthood especially the discipline of children. The following is a critical look at what the
Scriptures tell us about parenthood and the importance of disciplining children
by their parents. This study is by no
means exhaustive and contains commentary on Scriptures that I personally found
challenging and edifying in my own life.
I have put the Scriptures highlighted in teal
to segregate them from my own thoughts.
My hope is that this study will challenge you as much as it has me to be
a better parent and walk in closer obedience to what the Lord intended, as
those who “bring [their children] up in the discipline and instruction of the
Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
Advise for Parents from Proverbs
The book of Proverbs is a treasure chest of wisdom
for anyone afforded the privilege of being a parent. Solomon, a man gifted with great wisdom from
the Lord, uses this book of Scripture to pass on godly wisdom to his son. “The fear of the
Lord is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction. Hear, my son, your father's instruction, And
do not forsake your mother's teaching; Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to
your head, And ornaments about your neck.” (1:7-9)
Solomon wrote various proverbs regarding the significance
and importance of discipline and reproof of children with some written directly
to parents and others written directly to children.
Proverbs to parents: “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him
disciplines him diligently. Discipline
your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death. Stripes that wound scour away evil, And
strokes reach the innermost parts.
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline
will remove it far from him. Do not hold
back discipline from the child, Although you beat him with the rod, he will not
die. You shall beat him with the rod,
And deliver his soul from Sheol. The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way
brings shame to his mother.”
(13:24,19:18, 20:30, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15)
Parents
who love their children will diligently discipline them. Parents are given a finite amount of time to
discipline their children in godliness.
Using the rod for discipline and reproof will aid in removing the evil
and foolishness inherently bound up in their heart, quite possibility delivering
them from death while at the same time instilling within them godly wisdom and self-restraint
as they ultimately learn to relate to the Lord.
Allowing a child to run a household brings shame upon a family,
revealing that the parents have been disobedient and neglected their role in
bringing up the child in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs to children: “My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord, Or
loathe His reproof, For whom the Lord loves He reproves, Even as a father, the
son in whom he delights. A wise son
accepts his father's discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. A fool rejects his father's discipline, But
he who regards reproof is prudent. Cease
listening, my son, to discipline, And you will stray from the words of
knowledge.” (3:11-12,
13:1, 15:5, 19:27)
A wise
child willingly accepts the discipline of the Lord as well as his father,
knowing that a father who disciplines him is actually a father who loves and
delights in him. A foolish child hates
and scoffs at reproof and rebuke, not knowing that it is because of a lack of
discipline that he is indeed foolish.
General instruction
regarding the importance of discipline: “For the commandment is a lamp, and the
teaching is light; And reproofs for discipline are the way of life. He is on the path of life who heeds
instruction, But he who forsakes reproof goes astray. Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But
he who hates reproof is stupid. Poverty
and shame will come to him who neglects discipline, But he who regards reproof
will be honored. Stern discipline is for
him who forsakes the way; He who hates reproof will die. He whose ear listens to the life-giving
reproof Will dwell among the wise. He
who neglects discipline despises himself, But he who listens to reproof
acquires understanding. Understanding is
a fountain of life to him who has it, But the discipline of fools is folly. Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That
you may be wise the rest of your days.
Apply your heart to discipline, And your ears to words of
knowledge. A man who hardens his neck
after much reproof Will suddenly be broken beyond remedy.” (6:23,
10:17, 12:1, 13:18, 15:10,31-32, 16:22, 19:20, 23:12, 29:1)
Discipline is God’s way of teaching us about the
way of life. A wise man will heed
instruction along the way and find his way in life, but a fool who despises it
and tries to make his own way will only lose his way. With a love of discipline comes a wealth of
knowledge, wisdom and understanding as well as honor and the preservation of
life. Those who neglect discipline are
stupid, impoverished spiritually, shamed, guilty of self-inflicted depravity,
subjected to brokenness and ultimately headed for death.
Old Testament
Examples of Discipline or Lack Thereof
Moses
Moses is an example of someone who chose to accept
the discipline of the Lord. He allowed
God to mold his character and teach him how to be a servant. God spoke to Moses saying, “Out of the heavens
He let you hear His voice to discipline you; and on earth He let you see His
great fire, and you heard His words from the midst of the fire. Because He loved your fathers, therefore He
chose their descendants after them. And He personally brought you from Egypt by
His great power, driving out from before you nations greater and mightier than
you, to bring you in and to give you their land for an inheritance, as it is
today.” (Deuteronomy 4:36-38)
Moses was disciplined through the hearing of God’s voice, seeing His
presence in the burning bush, watching His mighty actions in bringing out the
Israelites from Egyptian oppression and delivering on His promise of providing
the land promised to Abraham. Parents
who seek to successfully discipline their children should not only have a voice
of authority, but also a life of authority that exemplifies the value of
discipline providing and promoting dependability, consistency, stability and
trustworthiness within the home.
God used Moses to reaffirm His discipline of Israel. “Thus you are to know in your heart that the
Lord your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of
the Lord your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him.”
(Deuteronomy 8:5-6) Notice that Moses
wanted the Israelites to know God’s heart behind the discipline. God was the Father of the Israelites and any
loving father will discipline his children.
Moses exhorts the people to obey God’s commandments, walking in
reverential obedience. Parents must
instill within their children a reverence for their authority which compels
them to obedience. Reverence is obtained
through consistent loving discipline which provides the child with the heart
knowledge that they are indeed loved by their parents.
The Israelites of the Exodus
Before Israel entered the Promised Land, the Lord clearly
laid out the ground rules and consequences of both obedience and disobedience,
promising to reward obedience and punish disobedience. "You shall therefore
love the Lord your God, and always keep His charge, His statutes, His
ordinances, and His commandments. And
know this day that I am not speaking with your sons who have not known and who
have not seen the discipline of the Lord your God-- His greatness, His mighty
hand, and His outstretched arm, and His signs and His works which He did in the
midst of Egypt to Pharaoh the king of Egypt and to all his land; and what He
did to Egypt's army, to its horses and its chariots, when He made the water of
the Red Sea to engulf them while they were pursuing you, and the Lord
completely destroyed them; and what He did to you in the wilderness until you
came to this place; and what He did to Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab,
the son of Reuben, when the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them, their
households, their tents, and every living thing that followed them, among all
Israel--but your own eyes have seen all the great work of the Lord which He did. You
shall therefore keep every commandment which I am commanding you today, so that
you may be strong and go in and possess the land into which you are about to
cross to possess it; so that you may prolong your days on the land which the
Lord swore to your fathers to give to them and to their descendants, a land flowing
with milk and honey. For the land, into
which you are entering to possess it, is not like the land of Egypt from which
you came, where you used to sow your seed and water it with your foot like a
vegetable garden. But the land into which you are about to cross to possess it,
a land of hills and valleys, drinks water from the rain of heaven, a land for
which the Lord your God cares; the eyes of the Lord your God are always on it,
from the beginning even to the end of the year.
And it shall come about, if you listen obediently to my commandments
which I am commanding you today, to love the Lord your God and to serve Him
with all your heart and all your soul, that He will give the rain for your land
in its season, the early and late rain, that you may gather in your grain and
your new wine and your oil. And He will
give grass in your fields for your cattle, and you shall eat and be satisfied. Beware, lest your hearts be deceived and you
turn away and serve other gods and worship them. Or the anger of the Lord will
be kindled against you, and He will shut up the heavens so that there will be
no rain and the ground will not yield its fruit; and you will perish quickly
from the good land which the Lord is giving you.” (Deuteronomy 11:1-17)
In this
passage, the Lord is calling the Israelites who came out of Egypt to enter the
Promised Land in obedience. They had clearly
experienced discipline through the Egyptians and had experienced firsthand the mighty
works of the Lord and His deliverance.
He was not speaking to the children of this generation, but rather directly
to their parents. The Lord was a Father
to these parents. He had rescued them
from slavery and was now offering them freedom to live with Him in a new land
reminiscent of the days in the Garden of Eden.
The Lord spoke of a land flowing with milk and honey, a land that God
would essentially care for and garden Himself by providing the necessary
rainfall and provisions to harvest grain, wine and oil as well as green lands
to feed their cattle to satisfaction.
However, in order for these blessings to be showered upon the land, the
people were required to be obedient to the Lord. To be sure, the land was a gift, but the blessings
of the land were contingent upon the obedience of the people. In much the same way, eternal life is a gift,
but experiencing the benefits of eternal life is contingent upon a believer’s obedience
to God.
The Lord
again reminds the Israelites of their need to stay true to Him and teach their children
His words. “You shall therefore impress these words of
mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your
hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. And you shall teach them to your sons,
talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and
when you lie down and when you rise up. And
you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that
your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the
Lord swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remain above
the earth. For if you are careful to
keep all this commandment which I am commanding you, to do it, to love the Lord
your God, to walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him; then the Lord will
drive out all these nations from before you, and you will dispossess nations
greater and mightier than you.” (Deuteronomy 11:18-23) The Israelite parents were to impress the
truths of God upon the hearts and souls of their children by talking, walking,
standing, sitting, lying down, rising up and writing them everywhere. By heeding this instruction, the life of
future generations would be preserved and prolonged and they would dwell freely
and securely within the Promised Land.
The Apostle Paul echoed this promise to the church in his instruction to
the church at Ephesus, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the
first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you
may live long on the earth. And,
fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:1-4) Children are told that not only is obeying
and honoring one’s parents the right thing to do, it also contains a promise of
well-being and life preservation for those who heed the command. Conversely, failure to obey and honor surely
will result in a lower quality of life and the potential for an untimely death,
not to mention a reckoning on the Day of Judgment.
Gideon
In the
midst of his conquests, Gideon and 300 of his men were weary from pursing Zebah
and Zalmunna, the kings of Midian.
Gideon requested bread from the men of Succoth to feed the famished
men. When they refused, Gideon said, “All right, when
the Lord has given Zebah and Zalmunna into my hand, then I will thrash your
bodies with the thorns of the wilderness and with briers."
(Judges 8:7) Gideon and the men then
went to Penuel to request bread, but they also refused. As such, Gideon said, “When I return safely, I will
tear down this tower." (Judges 8:9) With the help of the Lord, Gideon and his 300
men routed the remaining 15,000 men within the armies of Zebah and
Zalmunna. Then Gideon, “captured a youth
from Succoth and questioned him. Then the youth wrote down for him the princes
of Succoth and its elders, seventy-seven men.
And he came to the men of Succoth and said, "Behold Zebah and
Zalmunna, concerning whom you taunted me, saying, 'Are the hands of Zebah and
Zalmunna already in your hand, that we should give bread to your men who are
weary?'" And he took the elders of
the city, and thorns of the wilderness and briers, and he disciplined the men
of Succoth with them. And he tore down
the tower of Penuel and killed the men of the city.” (Judges
8:14-17) Gideon had the God given
authority to back up his words with action.
He used some powerful switches to discipline the men of Succoth for
their selfishness in hording their bread from his needy soldiers. In the same way, parents have the God given
authority to back up their words with action in the instance of disobedient
children. While it is not always
necessary to warn a child, when a child intentionally fails to heed a warning
with a show of open rebellion to parental authority, that rebellion must be
disciplined immediately and with a swift memorable method of discipline. A switch applied to the buttocks will surely
suffice.
Eli
and Samuel
The
priest Eli is an example of someone who failed to discipline his sons. Samuel is very blunt regarding Eli’s sons, “Now the sons of
Eli were worthless men; they did not know the Lord and the custom of the
priests with the people. When any man was offering a sacrifice, the priest's
servant would come while the meat was boiling, with a three-pronged fork in his
hand. Then he would thrust it into the
pan, or kettle, or caldron, or pot; all that the fork brought up the priest
would take for himself. Thus they did in Shiloh to all the Israelites who came
there. Also, before they burned the fat,
the priest's servant would come and say to the man who was sacrificing,
"Give the priest meat for roasting, as he will not take boiled meat from
you, only raw." And if the man said
to him, "They must surely burn the fat first, and then take as much as you
desire," then he would say, "No, but you shall give it to me now; and
if not, I will take it by force." Thus
the sin of the young men was very great before the Lord, for the men despised
the offering of the Lord.” (1 Samuel 2:12-17) The sons of Eli were worthless and ignorant
in their knowledge of the Lord and the customs of the priesthood. In fact, they didn’t even care about the
priesthood and had no respect for the Lord or the sacrificial system, treating
it with contempt. The silence of Eli and
his lack of discipline toward his sons is shocking and contemptible. Apparently in his old age, Eli finally
decided to say something to his sons although it was ultimately too late, “Now Eli was very
old; and he heard all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay
with the women who served at the doorway of the tent of meeting. And he said to them, "Why do you do such
things, the evil things that I hear from all these people? No, my sons; for the report is not good which
I hear the Lord's people circulating. If
one man sins against another, God will mediate for him; but if a man sins
against the Lord, who can intercede for him?" But they would not listen to
the voice of their father, for the Lord desired to put them to death.”
(1 Samuel 2:22-25) The priesthood under
Eli was so corrupt that his own sons were committing sexual immorality with
women serving at the tent of meeting.
Eli’s adult sons were out of control and an abomination before the Lord
who “desired to put them to death.”
The Lord
used Samuel, a young boy at the time, to deliver a stern message to Eli,
holding him accountable for choosing the favor of his sons rather than
preserving the holiness of the priesthood of God. “Then a man of God came to Eli and said to
him, "Thus says the Lord, 'Did I not indeed reveal Myself to the house of
your father when they were in Egypt in bondage to Pharaoh's house? And did I not choose them from all the tribes
of Israel to be My priests, to go up to My altar, to burn incense, to carry an ephod
before Me; and did I not give to the house of your father all the fire
offerings of the sons of Israel? Why do
you kick at My sacrifice and at My offering which I have commanded in My
dwelling, and honor your sons above Me, by making yourselves fat with the
choicest of every offering of My people Israel?' Therefore the Lord God of
Israel declares, 'I did indeed say that your house and the house of your father
should walk before Me forever'; but now the Lord declares, 'Far be it from Me--
for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly
esteemed. Behold, the days are coming
when I will break your strength and the strength of your father's house so that
there will not be an old man in your house.
And you will see the distress of My dwelling, in spite of all that I do
good for Israel; and an old man will not be in your house forever. Yet I will not cut off every man of yours
from My altar that your eyes may fail from weeping and your soul grieve, and
all the increase of your house will die in the prime of life. And this will be the sign to you which shall
come concerning your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas: on the same day both of
them shall die. But I will raise up for
Myself a faithful priest who will do according to what is in My heart and in My
soul; and I will build him an enduring house, and he will walk before My
anointed always. And it shall come about
that everyone who is left in your house shall come and bow down to him for a
piece of silver or a loaf of bread, and say, "Please assign me to one of
the priest's offices so that I may eat a piece of bread.” (1 Samuel
2:27-36) The fruit of Eli’s complacency
in adequately disciplining his sons and bringing them up in ways of the Lord
and the priesthood was the overall destruction for his sons, the stripping of
his family authority as a priest and disgrace for his family. Failing as a parent is detrimental and
inexcusable in the eyes of God.
King
Rehoboam
Rehoboam is
an example of a king who abused his power in Israel to inflict unrighteous
discipline upon the nation. Rehoboam
refused the counsel of his elders to lighten the work load and accepted the
counsel of his young friends to increase it.
This abuse of power ultimately led to the strive among the sons of
Israel and the house of David. Rehoboam
said, “My
father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined
you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions." (1
Kings 12:14) While whips provide a
temporal, yet painful reminder to those defying authority, using scorpions for
discipline is not only harsh, but downright cruel, especially when exercised in
anger and for selfish motives.
Eliphaz,
the “Friend” of Job
Eliphaz
the Temanite, despite failing to accurately diagnose the current plight of Job,
offered a statement of truth regarding discipline. “Behold, how happy is the man whom God
reproves, So do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For He inflicts pain, and gives relief; He
wounds, and His hands also heal.” (Job 5:17-18) Eliphaz says that a man should be glad when
he receiving discipline from the Lord.
For one, this would indicate that such a man is not illegitimate
(Hebrews 12:8). In addition, a painful
reminder that wounds the flesh teaches a man that he was out of line and
provides the opportunity to come to terms with the mistake, learn from it and
in the end find spiritual relief and healing.
Jeremiah
Through
the prophet Jeremiah, the Lord spoke a message of judgment on the nation of
Judah. The nation was rebellious,
abandoning God and His commandments and was prostituting itself to worldly idolatry. Despite their wickedness, God promised to
preserve a remnant in Judah, through which the Messiah came forth. With this promise, came a message of
impending judgment for the nation at the hands of the Babylonians in 586
B.C. “’For I am with you,' declares the Lord,' to
save you; For I will destroy completely all the nations where I have scattered
you, Only I will not destroy you completely. But I will chasten you justly, And
will by no means leave you unpunished.'” (Jeremiah 30:11) Notice that God’s chastening was completely
just and warranted given the open rebellion of the nation. God was merciful and yet loved Judah enough
to not let them get away with idolatry.
As parents, we must punish our children when warranted and “by no means leave [them] unpunished.” Mercy without discipline is foolishness and
promotes a lighthearted attitude about sin.
Discipline
in the Psalms
David on
a least two different occasions pleaded with the Lord to withhold his
discipline in the midst of his struggles with sin and adversity. David declares, “O Lord, do not rebuke me in Thine anger, Nor
chasten me in Thy wrath. Be gracious to
me, O Lord, for I am pining away; Heal me, O Lord, for my bones are dismayed. And my soul is greatly dismayed; But Thou, O
Lord-- how long? Return, O Lord, rescue
my soul; Save me because of Thy lovingkindness.” (Psalm 6:1-4) David knew God and trusted Him in the midst
of this time of trouble. God also knew
the heart of David, that he was a man seeking to be aligned with the heart of
God. David later declared similarly, “O Lord, rebuke me
not in Thy wrath; And chasten me not in Thy burning anger. Thine arrows have sunk deep into me, And Thy
hand has pressed down on me. There is no
soundness in my flesh because of Thine indignation; There is no health in my
bones because of my sin. For my
iniquities are gone over my head; As a heavy burden they weigh too much for me. My wounds grow foul and fester. Because of my
folly, I am bent over and greatly bowed down; I go mourning all day long. For my loins are filled with burning; And
there is no soundness in my flesh. I am
benumbed and badly crushed; I groan because of the agitation of my heart. Lord, all my desire is before Thee; And my
sighing is not hidden from Thee.” (Psalm 38:1-9) David acknowledges his sin before the Lord
and again pleads for mercy. When a
parent has successfully disciplined their child, the child will likely develop
the heart of the parent and be grieved and convicted when falling short of the
standards established. In certain
instances where a child clearly understands their guilt, acknowledges their sin
before God honestly and then pleads for mercy, it may be prudent as a parent to
grant it, leaving the consequences of the sin itself as a satisfactory
punishment.
Psalm
39:11 states, “With
reproofs Thou dost chasten a man for iniquity; Thou dost consume as a moth what
is precious to him; Surely every man is a mere breath. Selah.” Again, chastening is appropriate for
iniquity. Children must learn from their
parents that the wages of sin is death and that only Jesus Christ can bring
life and reconciliation. Notice too that
the Lord consumed what was precious to the sinner, meaning something that was
more precious to him than the Lord.
Sometimes the withholding of a possession that has caused conflict or
rebellion in a child (i.e. not sharing) can be a productive method of
discipline. But first and foremost,
parents must seek to instill and model for their children that the most
precious thing of all is an abundant living relationship with Jesus Christ.
Clearly
it is the wicked that hate discipline and are ignorant of its life preserving
power. Asaph wrote the words of God to
the wicked, “What
right have you to tell of My statutes, And to take My covenant in your mouth? For you hate discipline, And you cast My
words behind you.” (Psalm 50:16-17)
The wicked choose to ignore the authority of God. However, God in His grace warns the wicked
and offers reconciliation, “Now consider this, you who forget God, Lest I tear you in pieces, and
there be none to deliver. He who offers
a sacrifice of thanksgiving honors Me; And to him who orders his way aright I
shall show the salvation of God.” (Psalm 50:22-23)
Psalm 94
exhorts people to know the truth about God.
God knows all and chastens those He loves. “Pay heed, you senseless among the people;
And when will you understand, stupid ones?
He who planted the ear, does He not hear? He who formed the eye, does He
not see? He who chastens the nations,
will He not rebuke, Even He who teaches man knowledge? The Lord knows the thoughts of man, That they
are a mere breath. Blessed is the man
whom Thou dost chasten, O Lord, And dost teach out of Thy law; That Thou mayest
grant him relief from the days of adversity, Until a pit is dug for the wicked.”
(Psalm 94:8-13) A disciplined man who
teaches the word of God is promised salvation from the wicked either in this
life or the life eternal. As parents, we
must instill a godly reverence for the Lord and teach them the word of God.
David was
no stranger to the discipline of the Lord.
His receptiveness to discipline led to his development in wisdom and
authority as one of the greatest kings of Israel. David wrote, “I shall not die, but live, And tell of the
works of the Lord. The Lord has
disciplined me severely, But He has not given me over to death.”
(Psalm 118:17-18) This reminds me of the
similar words of Paul, “For to me, to live is Christ…if I am to live on in the flesh, this will
mean fruitful labor for me.” (Philippians 1:21-22) Those who know the Scriptures should delight
in godly discipline of the Lord who seeks to purify our hearts and conform us
to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29, James 1:2-4)
New Testament Instruction on Discipline
Paul
among the Corinthians
The
Apostle Paul wrote about the importance of being honest before the Lord
regarding sin and not hiding it from him or among men. The Corinthians were neglecting this
examination and not honestly confessing their sins to the Lord before observing
the Lord’s Supper. “But let a man examine himself, and so let
him eat of the bread and drink of the cup.
For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself, if he
does not judge the body rightly. For
this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number sleep. But if we judged ourselves rightly, we should
not be judged. But when we are judged,
we are disciplined by the Lord in order that we may not be condemned along with
the world.” (1 Corinthians 11:28-32)
Notice that the Lord disciplines those who fail to acknowledge their sin
for the purpose of saving them from the condemnation of the world. As parents, if we fail to discipline our
children when they do not take personal responsibility for their actions, we
teach them to blame others including God.
We also paralyze them from learning from their mistakes and fail to
promote a lifestyle of integrity and humility as modeled by Christ Himself
(Philippians 2:3-7).
Paul
and Timothy
Paul
stressed the importance of spiritual discipline, “But have nothing to do with worldly fables
fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose
of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is
profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also
for the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:7-8) Fostering and modeling a life of spiritual
discipline before our children is essential for them to also take serious
ownership of their own personal relationship with Christ. If it is important to parents, it will often
be important to their children. The
actions must match the message as more is often caught then taught.
For
effective discipline to occur in a home setting, the home must be stable in
which the husband and wife are working together as a team in unity and in the
Lord. “But
if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his
household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8) Paul went
as far to say that those who fail to provide for their own household are
deniers of the faith and worse than unbelievers, meaning such a one would be
better off damned to the lake of fire for all eternity! I think the Lord is pretty serious about
family stability, don’t you?
God has
given us His spiritual authority to discipline our lives. This spirit within us gives us the authority
to discipline our children and is best exercised in partnership with the Holy
Spirit. Paul wrote, “For God has not given us a spirit of
timidity, but of power and love and discipline.” (2 Timothy
1:7) Any work of man exercised toward
another in power, love and discipline is sure to bring life to the recipient.
When
describing an ideal bond-servant of the Lord, Paul mentions among other things
the ability to correct in gentleness and truth.
“And
the Lord's bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to
teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in
opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge
of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of
the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.” (2
Timothy 2:24-26) The combination of these
traits in a bond-servant shown toward one in opposition may aid in changing the
mind of one without the truth and bring them to their senses causing an escape
from the grasp and stranglehold of Satan.
As parents, we must be mature in Christ and be able to patiently and
gently train up our children in the truth of the Lord. To most successfully parent in this way
requires an empting of self and a filling of the Holy Spirit on a daily basis
while being fully dedicated to faithful service in accordance with the will of
God.
Hebrews
on Discipline
Hebrews
12 is probably the most powerful exhortation on discipline provided in the New
Testament Scriptures. “You have not yet
resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you
have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, "My son,
do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are
reproved by Him; For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges
every son whom He receives." It is
for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son
is there whom his father does not discipline?
But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers,
then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to
discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to
the Father of spirits, and live? For
they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines
us for our good, that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be
joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it
yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:4-11) This entire letter is a reproving exhortation
to a people who were “dull of hearing,”
in “need again for someone to teach
[them] the elementary principles of the
oracles of God” and “need[ing] milk and not solid food.” (Hebrews
5:11-12) These babes in Christ, called
sons, were in need of maturity in their faith because they were still choosing
to be enslaved to sin and their Jewish traditions under the Law. The author reminds them of the exhortation
directed to them as sons which they had forgotten, “My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord, Or loathe His
reproof, For whom the Lord loves He reproves, Even as a father, the son in whom
he delights.” (Proverbs 3:11-12) As believers,
we should never consider God’s discipline as a small matter or grow weary from His
training through trials. God’s plan is
to use trials and discipline to sanctify us and conform us to the image of
Christ (Romans 8:29). James wrote, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you
encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result,
that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James
1:2-4) Rather than being proud and
unbreakable, we need to see discipline in a positive light and humbly allow
ourselves to be trained by it. In this
Scripture, an analogy is given relating a loving father’s discipline of his son
to that of God and His relationship with us as sons. The thought of a father not disciplining his children
was out of the realm of possibility and unimaginable. It is only natural for a father to discipline
his children and this was a clearly expected norm. All legitimate sons of God are partakers of
discipline because this is a sign of God’s love for us. Just as an appropriately disciplined child learns
respect for their earthly father, believers must subject themselves to God’s
discipline as our loving heavenly Father.
Fathers must do their best with the short time they are given to teach
their children spiritual and physical discipline. Because God knows what is best for us and
disciplines us for our own good, we must trust Him so that He can sanctify us
and we can share in His holiness.
Admittedly, the author acknowledges that discipline is sorrowful and
often times painful. But the fruit a
life trained by discipline is righteousness and peace. As parents, we must be willing to do the hard
work of disciplining our children to prepare them adulthood and more
importantly to create fertile ground for a relationship with the Lord built
upon the foundations of respectful subjection and loving discipline. The easy road of giving your children freedom
with no boundaries may provide temporary pleasure for parents, but in the long
run expect such children to be filled with resentment, mistrust and disrespect
for authority including the authority of God.
Clearly, God’s will is for parents to discipline their children so they
can learn obedience as stated in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, “And, fathers, do not provoke your children
to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
(Ephesians 6:1,4) Interestingly enough,
these same sentiments are echoed in the Great Commission, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in
the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am
with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20,
emphasis added) As parents, we are to serve
in the process our children not only coming to faith in Jesus Christ for
eternal life, but more importantly becoming fruitful disciples of Jesus Christ
as we teach and model for them obedience to Christ.
Revelation
to the Church at Laodicea
The
message of God in the Scriptures time and time again is that those whom the
Lord loves are those whom the Lord disciplines.
This was Jesus’ message to the church at Laodicea, “Those whom I love,
I reprove and discipline; be zealous therefore, and repent.”
(Revelation 3:19) Clearly the reprove
and discipline was meant to promote repentance for this lukewarm church.
The
message is clear: Parents who love their
children will discipline their children.
Period. As Dr. Laura is
accustomed to say to her audience and I will say to parents, “Now go do the right thing!”
